Life updates and new intentions

Aug 8

Transcript

It's been quite a few months actually since I last podcasted and that was completely unintentional. I think we left off back in October of 2022 and I was in London, I was supposed to go to London for a writing retreat but that didn't really flow. So I found myself in London by myself for like 10 days. So let's start there and then I'll just kind of catch you up on what I've been up to, so That trip to London, kind of looking back was such an important time. I planted so many seeds that are just kind of starting to sprout now. So the majority of my time that I was there I kind of decided that it was going to be like a little worker retreat. So I ended up like completely rewriting the copy and like redesigning my whole website which was actually something that I really enjoyed doing and it was super fun to work in the co-working space in my hotel and to go to coffee shops and that's just something that I like to do anyway.

So it felt really good to like work in my room to get coffee to spend some time walking around, but just kind of like, you know, to hunker down and get that done. And it was so interesting because I feel like my website kind of became this little seed or like almost like a little altar of intentions for what I wanted to like, nourish in my work life. So I divided it into the three different areas: writing, speaking, coaching, and just decided to create something that I felt really reflected me. And not just like, I was really excited to visit and I really love of it. And it's helped me kind of like redesign my newsletter and just feels like, I don't know, like the sigh of relief of like, okay. Like I finally feel like myself or there's kind of this like, wall that's come down between me and you so that happened.

And then, you know what, I also found interesting about my time in London is, you know, I In this beautiful city, a place. I've been to a couple times before but I had never stayed for that long. And you know, I was so excited to just kind of be there to walk around to explore the city and what I noticed is that like I was actually quite homesick. And anyone who knows, me knows that I have a pretty adventurous spirit. I love to travel and kind of in my 20s I was very much always ready for the next adventure which is true to some extent now. I do love going on adventures and having new experiences, but this feeling that I felt in London was new to me of like, wow, I really love my home. Like the actual like place that I live in, I love my neighborhood. I love the life that I've created for myself and I really missed it more than just of course missing Cauchy and wanting to be close to her. I realized that like wow, over the past kind of couple of years, I really created a life for myself in my new neighborhood in Seattle. And I don't know, it just meant a lot to me to kind of have that feeling of wanting to return home.

So I think maybe the biggest lesson that I learned in London, was that home is a place that I like to be now, which, Is a huge accomplishment, and I think something that maybe is the first time that I've ever kind of experienced that. So, I kind of left London in a good place excited about what had happened and ready to come home. And then once I got home, it was almost November or November. I can't really remember. But then, I just started to kind of be busy with Teaching bar, you know working just getting things in order and I feel like time started to just like pick up and also I started to feel just a little bit down.

I think November and December can be a difficult time for many reasons. It starts to get dark early. It's kind of gray here in Seattle. There's a lot of holiday stuff and historically, it's always been a time that I've just worked a lot when I had my jewelry business, it was the time of year where we kind of made or expected to make like fifty percent of our revenue for the following year. So it was a really stressful time and I think some of that residue kind of was just existing there and what I noticed is that you know this past November and December, a lot of these old patterns came up And as much as I wanted to be done with addressing these old patterns, these old feelings, they just they came up and they needed to be addressed.

And so, I found myself just kind of struggling, not in an intense way, but just the days kind of just felt like thick mud and I fell back into into feeling alone and wondering if I'm in the right place, which is so funny because if you contrast that with London I was so sure that I was in the right place and might that my home was my home. But then, of course, you know, I started to question all of that and just wishing that things were different for me or wishing that I had had a different childhood experiences that had, that would have like, made me like the holidays or I just wanted to feel differently and as I started to work through all of those challenges, I kind of just felt myself releasing these old patterns and releasing this desire to control my story. And you know, my story is my story, I can't change the experiences that I've had and who I've become as a person and that's okay.

I don't want to change my life and my story and that way, but I do want to learn and move forward and to not feel stuck so I got through the holidays and then it was January and there's all this kind of I don't know. There's all this Buzz about the new year, but to be honest, the the calendar new year has never really resonated with me. It doesn't feel like a fresh start. I am very much someone who lives more seasonally and if you look at the seasons, winter starts, December 21st. So January, 1st is really just kind of like the thick of winter and I felt myself wanting to slow down at the bar studio, things were really busy because everyone has, you know, this New Year's resolution to work out. It was chaotic. It was hectic. And so January, just really flew by and February, hit and I just felt like, I had been hit by a bus. Like, I just felt so heavy and tired and drained. And it really was a struggle just to get through the day, not because I was like depressed or sad particularly, but I was just exhausted in a way that I hadn't felt in a long time. And I started to notice that, you know, I wasn't prioritizing the things that really brought me joy. Every week, I had the intention to podcast to do some writing and I found myself prioritizing teaching Barre classes, covering for people, doing other things, trying to create the perfect set of circumstances so that I would feel inspired to come to the space to create and the reality is that rarely do I feel that pull to come podcast. It's actually something that I love once I sit down, but the the act of kind of like creating it kind of is challenging for me because I think it pushes me in a way that's uncomfortable.

Rarely do I record an episode and kind of feel great about it. It's not until I listen back that I'm like oh my gosh. Yes I want to share this so that's a lot of just excuses and ways of saying that like I tend to avoid coming to the space even though I love it. Even though I want to share and February was a lot of just avoidance the first weekend in February. I actually went to visit my friend in California. We went to Joshua Tree, that was a really amazing experience and very healing in many different ways. And then I immediately came back and spent the next weekend at the beach with Cauchy and that was really fun and I really am excited that I've been prioritizing kind of getting outside going on these little adventures but I had really been neglecting my home and just like life stuff.

So mid-February, I kind of just kind of, like, hit this wall of, like, I just need to stay home. I spent like one entire weekend just like on the couch watching TV and that was like kind of all I could do. And then slowly, I started to think about what's actually important to me.

What do I care about? How can I support myself so that I can show up to the things that I want to do in the, I can feel excited again and fulfilled and rested. And so, I started to make small changes like trying to go to bed at the same time.

I've been trying to spend a little more time away from my phone slow mornings that you know are quiet are really important to me and I started to make these shifts and I'm starting to see a difference. So that's kind of like the cliff notes version of what I've been up to.

I think one of my favorite things that I've done in the past couple of months is taking Cauchy to this small beach town on the coast of Washington and just seeing her, like, running around in the sand and I really made it a priority to take her on adventures, which are as much for me as they are for her. But that's one of my goals throughout the year is to just do more hikes or walks outside and just to spend more time being present with her.

The other kind of big change, I'm making in my life is that I've decided to kind of take an indefinite break from social media and I've been feeling this for a while throughout the fall. I would just kind of like mindlessly scroll and I would say to myself, you know, I should make a post or I should be here, but if I'm being really honest with myself, it just doesn't feel aligning for me like It just feels loud.I don't feel like what I have to say, kind of like fits there and it just doesn't feel exciting to share. I don't want to fit my creativity into like a box that fits what that platform is looking for. And most importantly, I want to have ownership over what I create. So, I kind of found that that space is just no longer serving me and It's okay, it's okay to say this is really great for some people at one point. I really found value in it and now I'm taking a break.

So that being said, I'm not really going to post updates there although I haven't really posted updates in quite a while. I will still have my profile and then I'm creating kind of a landing page where anyone who finds me there can get to know me and kind of find where I'm at. But the main place that I will be focusing, my energy is here on the podcast and then sending a monthly newsletter. So if you would like to receive the newsletter and you haven't subscribed already, there will be a link in the show notes and I will send it once a month at most. I really want to try to send it at the beginning of every month, and that'll kind of aligned with giving you a podcast update once a month. So that is my intention and hopefully that will work out. But as kind of I've learned and as we all know, sometimes life has this flow in different directions. So there's not going to be social media. I’ll be writing and sharing blog posts on my website. That feels really good and I've been working on some fun ideas and there are other projects in the works so you can stay tuned there.

So those are kind of my big updates for you. Other than that I've been really called just to keep slowing down which is interesting and new for me and kind of hard in a time where I feel like busy is what's rewarded being productive all the doing. I've been really kind of reveling in this being I think my favorite parts of my day are the times when I'm moving the slowest. So when I wake up and have an hour just to be, if it feels good, I read I have tea and the other best part of my day is when I take Cauchy on a walk, I've been trying to go on, you know, at least an hour long walk together and we get to explore different parts of the neighborhood and I don't usually bring headphones even.

We just kind of walked together and it's really special part of the day where I can just be with her be with my thoughts, kind of, not be with my thoughts. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. I've been rearranging my home and just kind of wanting to bring new energy and new life to it as I settle in.

I've been here for almost two years now, and I kind of went through this period of deciding. Do I want to stay, do I not want to stay? Should I renew my lease? What should I do? Is it time to move? I have this internal clock that says, like, every three years is Time to like find something new. But what I found is that I do want to stay here and I want roots and some sort of idea of permanence.

So I've been trying to just really make my space a cozy, soft place to land and I've been really loving it. And yeah I'm excited to see what's to come and what's to learn when I sat down to kind of share with you, I was hoping to have some kind of big takeaways or big life lessons, but really, I think I meant to just kind of catch you up on where I'm at, who I am now what's been going on and to give us kind of a fresh start as we transition from winter to spring, which is really what March is all about, to me.

We're kind of that first bit is saying goodbye to winter and then, towards the end of March spring starts, and I'm really excited for the new energy that spring will bring and what new adventures lay ahead.

So, that's all I've got for you today.

And I hope that you are thinking about the seeds that you would like to plant for spraying and maybe just invite yourself to slow down and see how it feels.

See what lies in the slowness for you.

So, there you have it. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and I look forward to talking to you again soon.